Six Cats and a Black Dog: The Beauty of Your Truest Self
Last year I made a Blog For Mental Health pledge. Sadly, there is no pledge in 2016 and the Blog for Mental Health site is no longer being curated, though it is currently still accessible. However, this was a wonderful project (and it ran for several years) and I’m truly glad it got me blogging about this subject.
The Beauty of Your Truest Self
Seven months ago I wrote a letter. It wasn’t a letter I was sure anyone would (or even should) read and sometimes those are the best kinds. Those are the kinds in which you are truly, painfully honest. Sometimes there is beauty in brutality.
The letter has been read. Twice. Each time, I was the reader. Each time, my heart hurt so much I thought I couldn’t bear it. And each time, I went into my bathroom and screamed into the towels and cried. It hurt so much because it was the truth and it was an awakening that I had been masking the truth.
I cried because this had been a letter from someone that 90% of the time, I was not sure I liked, let alone loved. When I read that letter, I felt love and I realised how others could feel love. There is no vanity in that. Just the thought that, in my truest self, I saw someone beautiful, even if I saw someone very different in the mirror every day.
I am [x] months stronger now.
When I had read the letter and had my cry, I felt calm – both times. I put it away and stood a little taller and felt ever so slightly proud. “[x] months ago,” I thought, “I wrote that. I am [x] months stronger now.”
It strikes me that there is something very powerful in the letter that you never expect to be read, in the truth you think might never be seen or heard. I wrote that letter for very personal reasons, not necessarily as something I’d return to. Maybe it doesn’t need to be a letter. A drawing. A diary entry. A recording. Leave something that is your truest self, in your truest moment. Don’t leave it with an intent to return – you might never go back to it or, if so, only to discard it. Leave it so you know that whatever happens there is something in the world that is you at your most beautiful: open, vulnerable and exposed. Your truest self. Your most beautiful self. And should you return to it, let it be with love.